Some people are quite astonished by the roller coaster of emotions that they experience during the divorce process. The reality is that experiencing a broad range of emotions during the divorce process is completely normal.
Divorce can be comparable to death. The death of a relationship. Accordingly, when a marriage ends, a person experiences the stages of grief when going through a divorce.
- Denial: You can’t believe that this is actually happening. (In reality, the divorce has been on the horizon for some time).
- Pain and Fear: You are experiencing all kinds of pain: mental, physical, emotional and even financial. Pain, although unpleasant, is an expected part of the divorce process.
- Anger: “How could the person that I exchanged vows, fell in love with, do this to me?” “I was loyal, I did everything for him/her!” These emotions can be overwhelming. Don’t let your anger cloud your judgment. Do not make a decision when you are feeling extremely emotional.
- Bargaining: You might start to promise your spouse unrealistic things in an effort to resolve the divorce proceeding quickly. People who have engaged in behavior that caused the marriage to break up—having an affair; squandering money—may engage in bargaining as a means to soothe their guilty conscious.
I am currently handling a high conflict divorce case. When my client gets frustrated or exhausted, he tells me to give his wife whatever she is asking for.
- Guilt: You believe you are entirely responsible for your marriage’s failure. Maybe you are and maybe you aren’t. If there are certain things that you have done that contributed to the breakdown of your marriage, the best thing you can do is acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, make amends if possible and avoid repeating those mistakes in the future.
- Depression: “I loved him/her and they betrayed me.” “I will never be happy again.” Grief over your marriage ending is completely normal. However, if your depression continues for a prolonged period of time and you are having trouble functioning, do not be afraid to seek out to the appropriate service providers.
- Acceptance: “This is really happening to me,” or “my marriage is over.” Take the opportunity to step back and develop the proper coping mechanisms and strategies to deal with this significant life change. Find a support group that you can rely on.
