**Readers, the most important take away from this article should be this: help is available! Do NOT suffer alone.**
I was compelled to write about this particular issue after a client of mine recently attempted on two separate occasions within the past of the couple of weeks. This individual is going through what would be characterized as a “high-conflict” divorce and has suffered crippling depression. It was painful to hear him talk about how despondent he felt. “I just wanted it all to be over,” he told me when I spoke to him over phone after his suicide attempt. I had to keep reminding him that he is not alone in the way he is feeling and there is help available to get him through this difficult period.
Most people are well aware that divorce is one life’s most challenging and stressful experiences. The divorce process is frequently accompanied by emotional upheaval.
Studies have found that there is a significant increased risk in depression when a person is going through a divorce. What many may not be aware of is that people who are going through a divorce are also at an significant, increased risk of suicide. A judge that I worked for told me when she was a practicing attorney, she served a divorce papers, he shot and killed himself soon after. RFK, Jr.’s second wife committed suicide when they were going through an acrimonious divorce – https://abcnews.go.com/US/robert-kennedy-jrs-estranged-wife-mary-richardson-kennedy/story?id=16362607. My mother had a classmate whose sister was having serious problems in her marriage and ended up committing suicide.
The risk of suicide remains high even after the divorce process has concluded. In the United States, the rate of suicide among persons who are divorced or separated is usually reported as about 2.4 times greater than the suicide rate for married persons. Men are at a greater risk for suicide.
Men are more likely to suffer from depression after a divorce. There are a number of reasons for this; the wife is more likely to initiate the divorce, men are more likely to lost custody of their children, are less likely to have a support system and men usually have greater financial obligations post-divorce. Furthermore, men have been socialized to not express their emotions and struggle with discussing their feelings.
Danger Signs of Someone Who Might be Contemplating Suicide:
- Excessive sadness or moodiness: Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage.
- Hopelessness: Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.
- Sleep problems.
- Sudden calmness: Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end their life.
- Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.
- Changes in personality and/or appearance: A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about their personal appearance.
- Dangerous or self-harmful behavior: Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving and increased use of drugs and/or alcohol might indicate that the person no longer values their life.
- Recent trauma or life crisis: A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, divorce or break-up of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.
- Making preparations: Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put their personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up their room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.
- Threatening or talking about suicide: From 50% to 75% of those considering suicide will give someone — a friend or relative — a warning sign. However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.
What Should You Do If Someone You Know Tells You That They are Contemplating Suicide:
- Do not leave the person alone. If possible, ask for help from friends or other family members.
- Ask the person to give you any weapons he or she might have. Take away sharp objects or anything else that the person could use to hurt himself or herself.
- Try to keep the person as calm as possible.
- Call 911 or take the person to an emergency room.
Suicide Prevention Resources
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255 – Available 24 hours a day.
- Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program: https://yellowribbon.org/
- Suicide Prevention – St. Louis: https://arcangelsfoundation.org/
- Illinois Suicide Prevention Resource Center: https://www.sprc.org/states/illinois
The internet is a valuable resource in finding local support groups and service providers.
